Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
