i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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