i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My life is pants optional.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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