I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
