Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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