i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
