I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
