kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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