1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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