Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
