I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
