8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
