finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
