I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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