OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
