Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
