you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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