Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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