he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
