Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
