Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
