my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
