When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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