I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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