as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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