Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
