She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
