but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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