just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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