can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
