her vagine was all disorganized.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
