i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
