If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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