tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
