that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
