this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Alive.
So much puke
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I die, sorry about rent.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
