I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is the high leading the old right now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
