no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
