is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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