he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
