His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
