You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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