Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
