I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
