I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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