I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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