I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
