awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
