I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
