No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got inside last night via doggy door
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
