come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Couch. On fire.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
